Archive for the 'Self-awareness' Category

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Little things we pick up

Chrysanthemum tea

Chrysanthemum tea

Right now I’m drinking chrysanthemum tea.

I love to drink it with rock sugar. I started drinking it that way the first time I tried it and have done so ever since.

For years, when I had coffee, I always had cappuccino. I tried Vienna coffee once and latte a few times. But I always came back to the chocolate coated foam with a cappuccino. And I developed a ritual about how I would drink my cappuccino too. I would eat the half of the foam closest to me – not all of it, just half – and finish the cup before consuming the remainder of the foam. Oh – and I didn’t take sugar. I learned to drink cappuccino that way on 22 September, 1995 – and did it almost exactly the same way for many years.

And then I woke up. I realized that I was not drinking it the way I like it – I was drinking it the way I’d happened to pick up along the way. And I actually didn’t like it!

While drinking cappuccino wasn’t a problem for me, once I started challenging the way I had been doing things, I found that I actually preferred a cafe latte – though it can change according to my mood.

Until I was 15, I wore my watch on my right wrist. Most of my peers wore their watch on their left wrist – again it wasn’t a problem. But I wanted to be able to change it. I wanted to be able to stand out if I wanted to but to be able to be ‘normal’ if I chose to be. Being at an age when I wanted to control everything, I figured that being different was fine provided that I was doing it deliberately. So I changed. It wasn’t hard – I just practiced putting my watch on my left wrist. Ultimately it became as natural to wear it on my left wrist as to wear it on my right wrist. Then I stopped wearing a watch.

We are all unique. We all have something different to offer the world and those around us. Sometimes, the part of us that stands out is brilliant and beautiful. Sometimes it isn’t. We can influence our habits and change our patterns. And once you can get yourself out of the habit (or rut?), you can put yourself back to being able to choose.

Zarraffa's Affogato - though skip the cream...

Affogato - the way Zarraffa's makes them - though skip the cream...

Maybe you’ll choose cappuccino. Or cafe latte. I choose affogato – when I can get them!

Maybe you’ll wear a watch or maybe you won’t. How would you like things to be?

The meaning of Christmas – insights from my brother

Christmas means many things to many people. As I spent my first Christmas in Shanghai this year, I was fortunate to have my brother Andrew remind me of some of the deeper meanings of Christmas. He delivered a sermon that you can read from here. It helped clear my mind a lot and remember what it’s all about… and for those of you who aren’t from a Western background, it might help you understand why we do so many of the things that we do. Andrew has written it with a great deal of depth – so drink of it as it appeals to you.

Thank you – and Merry Christmas.

When the teacher is ready…

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

It’s a simple enough concept – when you are ready to learn something new, someone will arrive to help take you to the next level.

When the teacher is ready, the students will appear.

Again, a fairly simple concept – an ironic reversal of the previous statement, reflecting how when you are ready to share knowledge, students will find their way to you.

However, a few days ago, Joanna Hsu was kind enough to share with me a new insight on this old and delightful notion. That not only are these phrases similar in structure, but that they are actually equivalent in meaning. As ‘real’ teachers are not just telling people what to think, but rather they are called to demonstrate that which they purport to know, both the role of teacher and student are learning processes; when a ‘teacher’ is ready to learn by demonstrating their skills to ’students’, individuals will present themselves to the ‘teacher’ to help them learn – to take them to the next level.

As we are perpetually and simultaneously both students and teachers, we can remember that when we come across an interesting or challenging student, we are being called to demonstrate.

What’s next?

One of the beautiful things about my life is that there have been some very clear stages. There was primary school. There was high school. As I spent a long time in University, most of that time was broken up into smaller parts. There was “the election”. There were my Sydney adventures. And more recently there has been my time in Shanghai. In each case, there has been a clear transition point.

We use transition points to mark the start and finish of a period. Whether it’s the school bell or the lunch whistle.

Maybe it’s a home. When we move from one place to another, that final closing of the door can have much greater importance than just closing the door. When I moved into my first apartment in Shanghai, I slept on the floor for the first night because there was no bed – but at least that place was mine!

Sometimes we take photos of these special occasions. Oftimes we don’t.

How can we deliberately create these special events? How can we design experiences that are worth photographing? If you want to make a decision – to move forward in a new direction or just to draw a line in the sand – how can you help create that new sense of identity with a symbol, ritual or an experience?

It doesn’t need to be with a special handshake and a funny-sounding word. It just has to work for you…

Just the little things

Sometimes you realise that it is the little things that can make a huge difference.

The photo that I uploaded here wasn’t terribly different from any photo that I’ve uploaded previously. Yet this time it has sparked a bunch of comments – whereas my ‘average’ photo on Facebook struggles to even get a caption or tagged correctly. And it wasn’t the first comment that ‘did’ it either, but rather it was the stream of comments that compounded together to create momentum.

Momentum like that is difficult to predict, a combination, I think, of there being so much random variation (aka “chance”) involved and there being so many semi-opaque variables that even if you did know all the things that you would need to know to figure out the answer, it would be too much of a pain for you to figure it out anyway.

It is like a trend – there are just so many things that contribute to a trend’s success that it is immensely difficult to predict. Why did JR Rawlings become a billion-dollar miracle while David Eddings’ or Robert Jordan’s endless volumes of high-quality fantasy remain merely popular?

Rather like intimate relationships at times…

Of course, there are externalities involved at times and conspiracy theorists have been making other books out of this for years (a la The Da Vinci Code), yet the gap between the .00001% that makes a fortune and significantly impacts the lives of millions of people, and being “just another” seems so grotesquely small.

It doesn’t seem to be “skill” (eg Ayn Rand).

It doesn’t seem to be “originality” (eg The Secret).

However, it is a form of genius. Perhaps the most important lesson that I can take from this is to pursue what you personally feel passionate about… firstly because that is what is most likely to yield an outcome that is sufficiently unique and able to adequately connect to the hearts of those that you strive to impact that it gives you a chance of “winning”, but more importantly still, because even if you don’t “win”, you will still be doing what you love.

Self-actualisation 2008

I’ve had a little post-it note sitting beside my desk for a few months now, so it’s about time I actually wrote something about this! Self-actualisation comes down to three words things:

  1. Independence
  2. Non-attachment
  3. Power-ambivalence

Independence means that you think for yourself. It requires an individual to choose their own path rather than choosing the path that is given to them or the one that others would choose for them. Independence demands that an individual take responsibility for their conditioning and their thought processes, and to take responsibility for their experience of life. Sooner or later, great people have to leave the ‘tribe’ that gave them their foundations – that is the only way to start your own tribe.

Non-attachment means that while you can work towards goals and objectives, you do so while remembering that most things that seem to matter don’t. They might act – even ferociously – as if what they were doing mattered, yet when their work is done they retreat in the peace that comes from knowing that it doesn’t. Money, relationships and our reputation are powerful motivators for those who are not living at this level.

Power-ambivalence means that you do not try to control others. Self-actualised people do not live to manipulate or control others, but instead proceed along their personal path, honouring their truth as their truth, rather than trying to impose their beliefs or ideas upon others. While leaders are called upon by communities to provide guidance, self-actualised leaders do so without becoming attached to the perks, privileges or prestige attendant thereto.

Some ideas that I’ve been developing…

Separation of Powers in Education, Cognitive Competencies, Selective Reinforcement of Spontaneous Behaviour and Open-Hearted Relationships of Unconditional Love… they’re all “hobby horses” that I have ranted on about from time to time, yet I haven’t always explored them as much or taken them as far as I could. Continue reading ‘Some ideas that I’ve been developing…’

Our progress

Sometimes I forget just how much I have changed in the past few years.

Somebody – somehow – found my old blogger blog this morning and made a comment on something I wrote two years ago. She felt called to correct inaccuracies I had made.

And I agreed with her – the simplifications that I had made for the audience that I was addressing the post towards impaired the accuracy of my depiction of the overall message… I wouldn’t have phrased it that way today!

Yet I am grateful for her comment… and that I can notice the difference.

Isn’t it funny how it is often only when we can notice “the difference” that we can see our own progress?

(The post was about David Deida’s Way of the Superior Man, a book you will probably want to read at some point. It’s not for wusses – but it’s got great material. Check out my notes here…)

Communication is not that difficult… REALLY!!!

When I was in primary school I knew that I was going to enjoy public speaking. Debating was my first love though my attention shifted towards public speaking and training. Right now I’m involved with three Toastmasters Clubs here in Shanghai – to me, it still offers the best value speaking training in the world today. Yet I am still staggered at how people who call themselves leaders can possess such embarrassing communication skills. Continue reading ‘Communication is not that difficult… REALLY!!!’

Doing what you REALLY want to do

Listening to a Stanford podcast from the founder of Tesla Motors, I made the following notes that I thought worth writing down…

  • Do something you’re passionate about
  • Do something meaningful
  • Be bold
  • Think your ideas through
  • Build your company while you build your product
  • Face reality everyday
  • Hire the best
  • Aggressively follow all leads

Makes a nice snap back to reality after yesterday’s session with China NLP on values…




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