It’s been 16 years since I first ‘had’ a girlfriend. Since then, I have had quite a few others… some for a few months, others for a few years. Sometimes the time that we shared was blissful and filled with love; other times was a passionate romantic adventure; still other times were learning experiences that tended to be painful in the moment.
I started with a criteria sheet – the twelve things that I wanted fulfilled. Being 17 at the time, I was too quick to “tick off” those criteria and too slow to realise or correct my mistake. Back then, I didn’t feel attractive or desirable, and was looking for someone else to ‘love me enough’ to make up for my own insecurities. That proved impossible.
For me, giving love was my next phase. I figured that if I gave enough love then I would get some back in return. But eventually (after being dumped six times within five months by the same girl – I’m a slow learner!) I realised that giving love to get love was similarly unsustainable.
I thought that I had “made it” when I realised that life is really about sharing love; that our part in this grand production of life is to share the light that lies within us. Yet, strangely enough to me at the time, not everybody wants to receive your love. To totally open your heart to another person is an amazing feeling – confronting and frightening and yet liberating… because it allows you to learn that you can be doing ‘your part’ in being loving and pure and giving, and it still not be enough if you’re not with the right person. Here, I learnt that part of sharing love is to honour others enough to permit them to follow their own path without judgment.
While my journey hasn’t ended, I’m back to where I started: criteria. My criteria are much the same as they were 16 years ago, yet the ‘judge’ is different. I don’t suggest that OHRoUL are for everybody… yet it is only when I went past just wanting to ‘receive’ or ‘give’ and beyond ‘sharing’ that I could finally know that to share an Open-Hearted Relationship of Unconditional Love requires you to embody love: Then you can choose others who can reflect back that love whilst radiating their own with whom to share your experience of life.
It’s not about judging others – it’s about knowing yourself and consciously choosing with whom you will share yourself. Thanks for helping me understand, Wendy.