Bad boys, Nice guys and Wimps

Kim Kiyosaki’s new book is awesome. Anyone interested in Rich Dad’s ideas should check it out. Not only is it more informative than any of her husband’s books, it’s also just as fun to read.

One of the chapters contrasts types of men. Apparently there are three types: Bad boys, nice guys and wimps. While this is obviously a gross generalisation, it seems that there is some truth (or at least value) there. I’d first qualify it as descriptive of behaviours exhibited by men rather than being linked with an individual’s traits. But even then…

How many women want bad boys? Sure, as 21st century men, we’ve been taught by our parents to be ‘nice‘, but how many women really like what they see? My London-based female friends lament the dearth of good men just like my Hong Kong-based friends, and it’s an epidemic amongst professional women – that’s why (I’m told) so many female lawyers date tradesmen.

There is a little-known but easily felt difference between being a strong man and being a nasty piece of work. It’s the difference between seduction and surrender. To lead without dominating… Serve without supplicating.

Much of this comes back to intimacy. To be open and honest with another requires us to share part of ourselves. This leaves us vulnerable to being rejected… And most of us would rather anything but that! The ‘bad boy’ is an architype and we all possess and demonstrate different aspects to varying degrees. Denial grants power; integrity – true strength – is the benefit of facing and reconciling the truth.

8 comments on “Bad boys, Nice guys and Wimps

  1. There is a clear separation in these types. I find one of the problems with the male species is the inability to deal with ego. Why is it that within sport men can hug one another and do it openly yet when you greet a friend who you haven’t seen for a while, it is often perculiar to show effection this way? Showing support within the male personia is within an Anglo Saxon culture an area to tread carefully. Boys can hug their mothers but to hug their father is a different story. I have found it difficult to hug my father and I am sure that a lot of other men find the same situation. To be a good guy, I believe it shouln’t be an effort but rather a situation that comes when you grow upon the square and seek for further knowledge as to your own existence and mortality. Being a nice guy can be implemented on others to help them to grow within themselves and to overcome insecurity and manipulation which are the 2 major traits of bullying etc. People who motivate others and challenge others to perform to their maximum capability help in turn others to grow. It saddens me that the Scouting movement has declined within the Western World for it was Baden Powell’s motivation and input to allow boys to grow and expand and use these skills for later in life in a positive manner. I think the mistake was also to let girls into the Scouting movement when it was designed originally to be an area of growth for boys.

    Regards

    Garry

  2. I told you we would speak again Dan. I understand this concept – it makes me think. I’m a bad girl with a bad guy and it probably shouldnt be like that, in comparison to the binary opposite of the lawyer dating a tradesman, but who is to say? Our habbits compliment eachother, provoking us to delve deeper into the ‘darker side’ of something that, i suppose, is not socialy acceptable. Destroying ourselves by escaping into another dimension, spining and feeling, gives me the most omniscient feeling, invincibility. But, it depends exacly what you are spun on, or more of what world you are entering. There may not be a world, as being content in this world is satisfying enough. But for those of us who escape, what do you do if you cant slow it down? Do you keep on spinning and feeling, or maybe fucking speed it up? Some food for thought, i suppose, but i find if i try to explore my happiness of love too much, i think it’s a hoax. In many of my mysterious worlds, things are so real, they are fake. I realize we compose our own problems, battles, struggles and hopes. So i concluded that we fall in love to be hurt, and to hurt others.

  3. Fascinating comment – thanks!
    Life proceeds through periods of equilibrium, where we aren’t necessarily with or doing the ‘best’ things, but periods in which the combination of factors and aspects works together.

    A good friend is working through career issues. She hates her job, is scared to change it, and is particularly scared of letting go of her inherited materialism and need to be seen as ‘successful’. Her job pays her very well, yet she wants more than just a job that her parents and friends tell her is all that she deserves.

    Likewise, a lot of us get into relationships that don’t really give us what we want… but are okay for now. For one person, it may be because this person gives us a bit of attention and something to distract us from a lot of pain. For others, it may be because throwing enough energy into the relationship can allow them to forget about the mess that makes up the rest of their life. Still other relationships actually give great lessons despite being painful adventures through hell and back at the time!

    We all have to walk our own path.

    We all must be true to that path… the extent to which we are distracting ourselves will be in proportion to the postponement or avoidance of the lesson that we need to learn, the truth of which sets us free. You already know that a delusion of invincibility isn’t being true to your path, even if it’s part of your journey.

    If I think too hard my head starts to hurt and you’re forced to focus on feeling… really feeling. And when you let yourself feel, I find that the truth is revealed. And I believe that the truth is love.

    Garry, thanks for your thoughts. Self mastery remains one of the great challenges of our modern world, and depends upon overcoming our ‘lower’ needs and focusing upon our higher selves. Actually letting go of your need for approval – which is what drives most ‘nice guys’ closer to being wimps – is a big challenge, but it’s the battle that we all must face.

  4. A famous person of interest in the different types of personality types was James Dean. In fact tomorrow is the 51st anniversary of his death. You may ask Dan why I mention James Dean but this man created what I believe the true “Rebel” and “Tough” macho image that is still with us today. A lot of guys wonder where the origin of being tough comes from and where the ‘roughed up’ shirt collar comes from. In the movie “Rebel Without a Cause”, James Dean plays the character Jim Stark a boy who comes from another town to a new one in the hope of being reformed and better disciplined. This is the First movie made in 1955 where flick knives and a fight scene was to occur on a movie. When you think of the 1950’s it tends to make you think and wonder if this movie was ahead of its time. James Dean was a man of diversity and despite not being long in Hollywood, he certainly has created the life long tough image that remains with us to this day. He made 3 movies each playing a different part all in the year 1955. His First movie was “East of Eden” where he played Cal who strived for his father’s affection. In this movie he changed the role of a son wanting his father’s attention by purchasing shares in a beans crop during the First World War. The other movie was “Rebel Without a Cause” which remains a cult classic to this day and his final movie “Giant”. In Giant he plays a wealthy Texan who gets rich on oil. Why I mention Dean is that for anyone wanting to know more about him and his mark on our world, “Rebel Without a Cause” is ahead of its time. Despite dying at the age of 24 on 30th September 1955 in a tragic car crash, I often wonder why the memory of this man lives on and remains encapsulated today as the same person he was when he died. I hope others too may see the James Dean legend and the “Bad Boy, Nice Guy and Whimp” all rolled into one in this man James Dean.

  5. James Dean a nice guy or a wimp? Bad boy – sure! But living hard and dying young… riding a Harley and wearing a leather jacket is pretty clearly in what I would consider to be ‘bad boy’ territory. I don’t know what having three leather jackets says about me.

  6. Dan the thing about James Dean, Dan was that he was a complicated person who grew up a man that belonged to nobody. Was the rebel bad boy image really as bad as it is made out to be or was it a product for other people to grow upon. In one of his movies he actually asks fellow actress, Julie Harris “Do you think I am bad, and am I really bad?”. Perhaps it is for history to judge and for us to ponder. Perhaps your leather jacket has a connetion with the James Dean cult and you may wonder where the white Tshirt and Jeans came from. Some think it is Fonzie out of Happy Days but it was Marland Brando who started it and James Dean who idiolised it.

  7. What point are you making?
    The image was fairly clear – if you’re imagining that there is something else underlying that image, is that mere conjecture or do you have some basis for the assertion?

    It is difficult to define the categories, but as reflected by my conversation with Orange Peel, there is value to the ‘Bad Boy’. Bad boys are exciting – while they are dangerous, they are also more likely to be charming, exciting and dominating. Strength is one of the fundamental attributes that masculinity expresses: Strength through control over resources, Emotional strength and Physical strength.

    A marketer is someone who seeks to link people who want something with those that can supply it, at a price that is fair for all. A marketeer seeks to exploit opportunities for their own benefit. Likewise, a strong man will tend to dominate and guide conversations and situations to ‘mold the world unto himself’ but also for the benefit of those around him, while someone who is domineering will tend to take advantage of the weaknesses of others for his own ego-driven gratification.

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